A Long, Wandering Journey Back

Hey, y'all! It's so great to be back. A LOT has changed since I last posted on this blog, most of it for the better. To start, I wanted to say that I've definitely missed this forum. It allowed me, a lot of the time, to get out my thoughts/frustrations with things going on in my life as wife, mother, & woman.
I graduated from school, with my degree in photography. I still love capturing special and candid moments for people, and my family, of course. My business growth has been a bit slow, but I have built up a small, dedicated clientele that I love.
After graduating from photo school, Evan was in pre-k, and I felt like it was time to try to get back into the work force. I originally wanted a part-time job that would still allow me to maintain my identity as a stay-at-home mom for the most part. I applied with a staffing service, thinking that would be the fastest way to obtain work - especially since I hadn't worked a "real" job since before the kids were born. I was brought into the staffing service for an interview, and then I just had to wait. I was hopeful they would be able to find me something that was relatively close to home and part-time. They called a few weeks later with a job offer, for a position inside the staffing office. It was full-time, but a wonderful opportunity to get my feet wet back in the work force.
I started at the office in April of 2015, as a staffing assistant. Mostly answering phones, directing traffic and keeping the office supplies stocked (basically, a receptionist). But I loved the job. It was challenging for me, as well as fulfilling. I made some wonderful friends and felt like I was contributing to our family economy. When I'd been there about six months, a position opened up. It would be a promotion for me, with better pay and a bit more flexibility. I told my supervisor that I would be very interested in the position and I got it! I was now a recruiter.
I handled a majority of advertising for our branch. I also scheduled interviews and did most of the phone and branch pre-screens. I implemented new procedures for my position and really felt like I was great at my job. I was able to work from home, if needed and did on a few occasions, when we had snow and when I or the boys were sick. It was probably the best few months of my career.
At about the same time, I had begun having severe back pain and started seeing a chiropractor, which helped tremendously (but that's a whole other post)!
Fast forward six more months. Another position opened up for a staffing supervisor. I thought long and hard about whether or not to pursue the supervisor position, I really did feel conflicted. I felt content where I was, but knew there realistically was nowhere to go from the recruiter role. And I felt that I was fully capable of succeeding as a supervisor, but wasn't sure I wanted the extra responsibility. So after much personal debate, I decided to apply for the supervisor position and got it. It was a much harder job, with a ton more responsibility. I learned quickly and did well and became even closer with my fellow team members. I was proud of myself for where I had come in such a short amount of time.
In July of 2016, the chiropractor I had begun seeing approached me about a position on her staff. I wasn't looking for anything and had really begun to get into a groove with my supervisor role. I was so very torn. On one hand, I loved my current job and had to opportunity to grow, with no real stopping place. On the other hand, working as a chiropractic assistant had many perks, including being much closer to home (like, 5 minutes vs. 40 minutes) and gave my family and me free chiropractic care ( a HUGE money saver!). After meeting with the chiropractor several times, I decided that it might be a better fit for our family - a four-day work week, free chiropractic care, closer to home - and I left the staffing office.
It was very bittersweet. I had made some true friends and really felt like the work I was doing mattered. I was helping people find jobs and sometimes changing their lives.
But as they say, the grass isn't always greener... I struggled in the new position, where I had thrived in the old. I didn't feel the same camaraderie with my new co-workers as I had with my old team. And the learning curve was STEEP. I felt like from day one, I was expected to know things that there was no way I could have had any clue about. After about six weeks, going to a weekend seminar, and one anxiety attack later, I begun to get in the swing of things. While I only worked four days a week, they were VERY long days. I would drop the boys off at school at 7:15 and not get home until sometimes close to 8:00 that evening. It began to take a toll on our family life. Especially since my husband works nights and has to leave at about 8:40 to go to work. I felt like I could only be a mom three days a week and forget about house work! My house was a continual dumping ground, since my one day a week that I had to do stuff sans children (aka, Friday), was taken over by groceries and getting supplies for the chiropractic office.
About this time, Derek's Granny had gone to the doctor and it was determined that she had breast cancer. This was her second bout, the first time being in 2008/09. She would have to go through a lumpectomy and radiation again. During her first battle, I took her to most all of her appointments and made sure that she and Derek's Pa had good meals to eat when she wasn't feeling up to cooking. With the first bout, Granny had struggled with depression and we became even closer than we already were, as I would spend as much time as caring for a one-year old would allow.
I took Granny's diagnosis as a sign, especially since I was still majorly struggling in my role as Chiropractic Assistant, and wasn't feeling particularly fulfilled. The job was a great job, I just wasn't right for it. I missed my family.  I felt like it was time to come back home and make sure Granny was well cared for. I left the office on good terms and still go regularly for my chiropractic care.
And that pretty much catches us up. I've been back home now for going on six month, and I couldn't be happier. Granny is in remission and my boys are ecstatic that I am back home and picking them up from school every day and cooking again. I didn't realize when I left the home, how much I would mourn the loss of our family dinners more than anything.
But now comes a new challenge. Managing our family on one income again. Over Thanksgiving and Christmas, I cleaned an office after hours a few days a week to give me some spending money. But it was temporary. I am back to being a budgeting fiend and working the budget like it's my job (because it is!). I hope to share with you my best money-saving tips and healthy recipes.
I didn't set out for this post to be a lengthy diatribe about where my life has gone, but if you've hung in till the end, I thank you.
Much love,
Rachael

Has it really been that long?!

Two years. Almost... Yep, I've been "away" for a while. And there have been quite a few changes since I last wrote.

1) Both the boys are potty trained. YAY!!! (Although, for a cloth diaper addict like me, that's kind of a bittersweet thing)
2) I went back to school to pursue an education in a field I absolutely ADORE, photography! I will graduate in the fall (WOOHOO!)
3) I have launched my own small business (in said field), see here: www.rachaeloglephotography.com
4) Ian is in Kindergarten and smart as a whip (as if there was ever any doubt!)
5) Hubby has launched his own Youtube channel, about gaming. You can find it here: Gaming Family Man

Okay, so there has been A LOT more than this going on, but I had to cut it off somewhere.

So where does that leave us? Well, I'm still quite the crunchy mom, so I'm sure we'll have tons to discuss about all things green. Also, I may throw some photography and Photoshop tips your way so that you can make your family photos look even better! And now that Pinterest is such a huge success, I will share my favorite findings from that wonderful place (it's a black hole that sucks you in and never lets go, but we all love it!). I may even delve into book and media reviews.

I tell you, it's going to be an information fest up in here! You never know what I'm going to do next! I hope you'll come back and visit again soon. I'll try not to stay gone so long this time. Promise!

DIY Disaster!!!

I have been cloth diapering now for over two years. From the start, I used Rockin' Green detergent with great results. Within the last six to eight months, I began making my own laundry detergent for our regular laundry in an attempt to save money. My home made detergent recipe worked beautifully. Recently, I came across a recipe for homemade cloth diaper detergent on Pinterest. I had heard great things about it from people who had regular-type water, so I mixed up a batch since I already had everything on hand from making my own detergent and was running very low in RnG anyway. For about a two weeks, my homemade diaper detergent worked great. I used the same measurements as I had always used with RnG and the same type of wash routine. After a couple weeks, though, I began to notice that the diapers began to still smell after they were "clean". So I tried adding more detergent, and that seemed to do the trick. Then a few washes later, I began to have issues with repelling. So I added another long rinse at the end of my wash. It was beginning to frustrate me. For two years, I hadn't had any issues what so ever with my diapers (while on RnG). So I happened to find a sample of Rockin' Green in my laundry cabinet while organizing last night and used it in yesterday's diaper laundry. And of course, it worked like a charm! So I guess I will be making a trip to my local cloth store or placing an order for some Rockin' Green (in Motley Clean, of course!). I suppose the moral of the story is: if it ain't broke, don't fix it! And from now on, I'll leave the delicate chemistry to the professionals!
Have you ever tried any DIY and had it turn out horribly wrong? I'd love to hear about it!

Tiny House Love

In the day in which we live, it can be easy to be taken over by all the new technologies and inventions this life has to offer. I have even found myself longing for the "New & Improved" of things that were probably fine to begin with.
Lately, I have been trying to simplify my life. The older I get, I find I am very minimalist. I hate knick-knacks and clutter (although I struggle with the clutter part). I don't have a whole lot of decorations in my home (which drives my HGTV junkie mom nuts) and I'm really okay with that. A lot of my lack of stuff results from a lack of funds, but I'm okay with that, too.
If you will remember in one of my recent posts, I wrote about how I'm taking the Flats and Handwashing Challenge. Thinking about that has really opened my eyes to other ways I'd like to simplify. I have even become very fond of the idea of a "Tiny House". Google them. They are quite fascinating. To me, the idea of having everything you own and all the people you love being able to fit in a 500 sq. ft. area (roughly) is awesome. I know a lot of people that live in large cities have been doing this for a long time in the form of apartments, but I live in the country, where things are pretty sprawling. We don't have many neighbors, and I kind of like it that way.
The home we live in is a little more than 1600 sq. ft. It is double the size of our last house. The whole time we lived in 800 sq. ft., I felt suffocated. I felt like we were always on top of each other and I never had any time to myself. Most likely, all the lack of space was due to a problem of having too much stuff, but I digress. Even with double the square footage, I still sometimes struggle with finding a place for everything.
I think a lot of my tiny house love comes from a place within that longs to be so organized and simplified that I could realistically fit my life in such a small place and not feel like I'm doing without.
I have been doing a lot better at whittling down our necessities and getting rid of things that we no longer need. But I still see room for major improvement. I think some of my other want of a tiny house is having a place that is just mine. Some days, I long for solitude, a place to just sit and "be". A place that is not marred by Hot Wheels and Legos and Playstation. A nook that is all mine. And hopefully, but this time next year I will have it. I am in the process of turning one of our master bedroom closets (yes, I have two) into my "me room". If I had it my way, I would take my closet (because it's bigger and has a window) and turn it into a sewing/reading nook just for me. It will take some doing, but I'm determined. We shall see what unfolds. Stick around!

Bittersweet

In a matter of twelve short days, I will be on my way to Orlando, Florida for Blume, a conference centered around missions for teenage girls (and leaders). While I am VERY excited to attend, as the conference is only once every four years, I am also a little nervous. I am nervous because I will be leaving my children for four nights. My husband has graciously offered to stay home with them so I could go and focus on the conference. But this will be the first time I have ever been away from them for more than a couple days. I had to go on a mission trip to Savannah, Georgia for a week when I was pregnant with Evan and I took Ian with me because I didn't think I could have made it a whole week without seeing him. I now realize it was probably just the hormones. I probably could have made it just fine -- because I was so busy and wouldn't have had time to wallow in the missing. My husband had a lot harder time than I did because he was home alone and hadn't ever been away from us for that long. But now it's my turn to do the missing. But I will be busy and will call and talk to them, so I am hoping it will not be too bad.
But I do worry about the boys... All three of them. Derek has never been left alone with the boys for more than just an afternoon or while I had to run errands or go to work. Definitely never overnight. And it's not because he hasn't wanted to or anything like that, but there's just never been a need. Ian I don't worry about SO MUCH, because he's a little bit older and knows that when I get back, he'll be getting a present from Mickey Mouse (the conference is at Disney). So I think as long as I can talk to him on the phone he'll be fine. Evan on the other hand... He's a completely different story. I do worry about how he's going to be able to handle it. He'll be 18 months when I leave and he is having some major issues with separation anxiety at the moment. I am the only person who can put him down for naps and bedtime (easily) and he is an EARLY riser, usually around 6:30-7:00. Derek and Ian would sleep all morning if I let them. So I am concerned about the sleep schedules. But other than the little things, I think it will all be okay. Derek is a great daddy, and I know he'll do just fine.
I am planning on making and freezing enough meals for them so that I know they will eat well while I'm gone. Cooking has never been one of Derek's strong suits and if left to his own devices, the boys would be eating scrambled eggs, frozen pizzas and chicken nuggets all week. I can already tell that next week is going to be BUSY! Between cooking almost a week's worth of food, getting the house spotless, and getting caught up on all the laundry, I will probably be dead on my feet before I leave.
But overall, I think this trip is going to be good for everyone. It will be good for Derek so that he can kind of see what my life is like as a SAHM and see that it's not as easy as he thinks it is. It will be good for the boys because they've never had to be away from me and I think it will be a great bonding experience for the boys to spend time with Daddy. I really think it will be great for me. I get a little break, just getting to focus a full four days on one of my passions: mission work. So I am thrilled about getting to go. I am also very thankful to my husband for taking most of his vacation days at work to be a SAHD for a week.

Reflection

I am sitting here, in the quiet of my living room, in silence. The only sounds I hear are the fan and the intermittent beep of a smoke detector with a low battery (I really should check that out...). Silence has become my new favorite noise. For most of the day, my ear drums are bombarded with "Mommy, mommy, mommy!" or "Honey, where are my socks?" or "Buzz Lightyear to the Rescue!" While I cherish what all these voices mean, I also cherish the quiet that the end of the day brings. It is my personal time to just breath. I usually watch a little TV -either Master Chef or So You Think You Can Dance at this time of year. Just a little retreat from the busy-ness of the day. Or I read one of the many books I have waiting for me to crack open. Right now, I am reading The Discipline Book by Dr. Sears and The Lincoln Lawyer by Michael Connelly (my tastes vary depending on mood).
But tonight, I have started thinking about how much easier my life is at this moment than say, six months ago... I will freely admit that I am NOT a "Supermom". I am not one of those moms who can easily keep a home and have kids. I have come to accept that about myself. And thankfully, so has Derek.
When Evan was born, I was just getting the hang of having a toddler. I was just getting good at keeping the dishes, laundry, cooking all done so that I didn't always feel like I lived in squalor. After Evan was born, though, my time management skills (what little I had) went out the window and I constantly felt like I was being pulled in 18 different directions. I think "overwhelmed" was an understatement. I didn't have any issues with postpartum depression, thank the Lord, or it may have been a whole lot worse. My house was NEVER presentable unless I had company coming over and I worked my butt off for the whole week before to make it that way. I had to scramble to make sure we all had clean clothes. And usually, lunch (our main family meal since my husband works nights) consisted of sandwiches or my husband's favorite "chicken-tots", baked chicken tenders and tater tots. I just got by, to say the least. Something had to give. I had to have a serious sit-down with my husband. I had to explain to him that I couldn't do it all and that I needed help. I laid it all out for him. I told him that I NEEDED a little time to myself every once in a while. The only time I was ever really without the kids was the eight hours I work weekly. I also explained to him that because of his work schedule, most of the time I felt like a single mom. Derek understood where I was coming from and said that he could see that I had been struggling. He was amazed that I even said anything at all, as our history has proven that I am not a touchy-feely-share-every-thought kinda gal. But he also said that he was very happy that I did give voice to my needs and would be happy to help out more.
A lot has changed in six months. I no longer have an infant and a toddler. I have a toddler and a preschooler. The boys play very well together, for the most part, and I am able to get more done than I ever thought I would. I am finally able cook a REAL meal that consists of more than two ingredients. I am finally able to tackle the laundry in a timely manner and my dishes stay a lot more caught up now. I am working on my organization skills (which I think would greatly benefit the other areas of my life) and my time management issues. I try not to let the little things bother me as much as before and just be happy in the moment. I try to spend time with the boys, one-on-one, so that I can get to know them as individuals. Derek spends more time with them now as well, allowing me to run errands (or whatever) by myself and just give me a bit of a break. He has started pitching in more around the house and when he sees that I am struggling, gives me a boost.
I know for the most part, this has probably seemed more like a rant than anything else. But I know I am not the only mom that struggles. I know we all want to be the best mom that we possibly can. And sometimes, it's hard to realize that we CAN'T do it all, no matter how badly we try. I have come to realize that to be the best I can be, maybe I DO have to have a little mess so that I can have a snuggle or read one more book or spin my boys around and around. Because really, those are the things that will matter more in the long run than whether or not I dusted those shelves or folded those towels.